Bombs Away!

Two terrorists were driving to the location where they intended to plant a bomb, which one of them had in his lap.

“Drive a little faster - the bomb may go off any minute,” said the man carrying the explosive.

“Don’t worry,” the driver assured him, “we’ve got a spare one in the trunk.”

D.P.
Willy

The Rightful Owner

Late one night, a man wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded.

Angrily, the wealthy man replied, “You can’t do this - I’m a politician!”

“In that case,” replied the robber, “give me MY money!”

T.A.
Flatbush

Uplifting Elevation

An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby.

“The lift will be down presently,” the receptionist told him.

“The lift?” said the American. “Oh, you mean the elevator.”

“No, I mean the lift,” replied the Englishman.

“I think I should know what it is called,” said the American. “Elevators were invented in the States.”

“Perhaps,” haughtily replied the Englishman. “But WE invented the language.”

E.G.
Flatbush

A Lesson Well Learned

Little Moishe was having a problem with his homework. “Tatty,” he asked, “what’s the difference between ‘anger’ and ‘exasperation?’

“Well son,” said his father, “I’ll give you a practical demonstration.

His father picked up a phone and dialed a number.

“Hello,” said a voice at the other end.

“Hello,” said Moishe’s father. “Is Shmelky there?”

“There is no one called Shmelky here,” the voice replied. “Why don’t you look up numbers before you dial them?”

“You see?” said Moishe’s father. “That man was not at all happy with our call. But watch this!”

He then dialed the number again and said, “Hello, is Shmelky there?”

“Now look here!” the voice said angrily. “I told you there’s no Shmelky here! You’ve got a lot of nerve calling again!”

“Did you hear that?” asked Moishe’s father. That was ‘anger.’ Now I’ll show you ‘exasperation!’

He dialed once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, Moishe’s father said: “Hello! This is Shmelky. Have there been any calls for me?”

L.M.
Boro Park

A Terrible Trio

Chelsea Clinton asked a soldier in Iraq, “What 3 things scare you the most?”

He replied: “Osama, Obama and Yo Mama!”

D.L
Willy

Joke of the Month

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, “How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?”

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup or a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No,” said the Director. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”