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Volume 22, No. 4, #156 - click here

 Publisher's Letter:
     Publisher's Message
 Let's Shmooze:
     Let's Shmooze
     Grandma's Hands
     The Daughter of a Soldier
 Sound Off:
     In Defense of the Young Women
     The Warsaw Ghetto Uprising
     Do I Hear $1,000... $1,500...
     Getting Ready for the Day of Judgement
     In Light of Recent Events
     The Summer's Over
 Cover Story:
     Lipa Meets Mickey
     Shua Kessin
     Yeshiva Boys Choir 4
     Living Torah Museum
Article Map for this issue
September 2009 • Elul 5770 Volume 22, No. 4, #156
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Arise for Moshiach!

Dear Country Yossi,

Approximately two weeks ago, a man entered the office of the Rav Mekubal Rabbi David Abuchazera, shlita, of Naharia and was taken aback to see the Rav standing during the entire visit. The man couldn’t restrain himself and asked, “Will the honorable Rav tell me why he is not sitting?”

The Rav’s answer was astonishing and remarkable: “I dreamed that my grandfather, Rabbi Yisrael Abuchazera, the Baba Sali, zs’kl, is angry at me. My grandfather said, “Moshiach came twice to see you and you did not rise for him and show him his due respect! He will come a third time and you must honor him!” I don’t know who the Moshiach is that my grandfather is referring to, so I began standing for all the people that come see me,” said the Rav.

The man was stunned and when he exited the Rav’s room, he innocently told the people in the waiting room what the Rav said.

The Rav’s students also said that in recent shiurim the Rav gave, he said astounding things. The Rav opened the ancient Sefer Chesed Le’Avraham and showed them that the author, Kadosh Tzaddik Rav Avraham Azulai, zs’kl, wrote that the Moshiach will arrive in the year ‘taf shin samech,’ 5760. The Rav explained, “The meaning of taf shin samech is ‘shnas sof,’ end year,” said the Rav, “but it’s preferable that the end will be ‘sof tov,’ good end, and therefore, it is necessary to clarify that he meant this year 5769 - ‘tehe shnas sof tov’ - 5769 will be the Year of Good End.”

In another shiur, the Rav said an even more astounding fact. He again opened an ancient Sefer, “Bina Le’Itim,” and read from it. “In total, there are three times since the creation of the world that Birchas HaChama (blessing of the sun) is said on a Wednesday, 14 Nissan, the day the natural light source was created. The first time was when the Jews were redeemed from Egypt. The second time was in the time of Mordechai HaYehudi and Esther HaMalka, a’h, when Hashem redeemed Am Yisrael. And the third and final time will be this year, Wednesday 14 Nissan, 5769, and this is the time that Am Yisrael will have the complete and final redemption,” said the Rav.

Additional Gedolei Yisrael are also joining in, such as the Mekubal Rav Yoram Abergel, shlita, who hinted in his last shiur that the war of Gog Umagog is very near. “I prefer not to talk about what will occur during the months of Tishrei and Cheshvan…” The Gaon Rabbi Eliezer Berland, shlita, also said to his Chassidim prior to Rosh Hashanah, “This will be the last time you will be traveling to Uman.” Harav Eliezer told his Chassidim not to purchase flight tickets to Uman this year until further notice. He also said some hair-raising warnings about hostilities that could erupt in the world before Rosh Hashana.

Also the revered Rav Shachne Zohn, shlita, dreamt that his Rebbe, the Chofetz Chaim, zs’kl, told him that the Geulah is very near and we should prepare.
In continuation of what Rav Kanievsky, shlita, said about the coming redemption, that by next year Moshiach will be here and we will no longer be fasting 9 Av, HaRav Dov Kook, shlita, said in Teveria in his weekly shiur to his students, “Do not leave the borders of Israel between 9 Av until Rosh HaShana because difficult things will occur in the world during this time.”

Harav Binyahu Shmueli, shlita, said 2 weeks ago that within 80 days the redemption will begin.


Dear WWW,
My bags are packed!

Gaggles of Giggles

Dear Country Yossi,

You do a terrific job producing a magazine of quality. Your articles inspire, educate, stimulate, and most of all, initiate bouts of giddiness. Your humor is outrageous (!), all in a package of pure entertainment. I want to thank you for that. I would have written long ago if it were just about that, but what can I say? It would take me forever to put together a letter which I would be comfortable sending, since I’m my worst critic, and it would never meet my standards.

Heshy Walfish is also a riot, but when the two of you get together, it’s dangerous to eat or drive, since sudden bursts of laughter are bound to occur.

Dear S.W.,
Tell me about it! Somebody told me he had to stop in the middle of the George Washington Bridge, because he was afraid he’d fall into the Hudson River. And he doesn’t even own a car!

Send Me Circulars!

Dear Country Yossi,

Something outrageous is being perpetrated on the good citizens of Boro Park. Someone has been going around attaching signs saying ‘Do not place unsolicited advertising materials on this property’ to every single door on every block! What unmitigated chutzpah! Who has the right to decide for someone else if they should get advertising materials? Some people welcome the packets of circulars and coupons that arrive each week at our doorsteps! We want to know what is on sale in the neighborhood stores.

NO ONE has the right to make decisions for others unilaterally. Each person/home owner can decide for himself if he wishes to opt out of receiving these circulars.

I think it’s time for Simcha Felder to make new cards for distribution stating ‘Do not place any unsolicited signs on this property!’

Bargain Hunter in Boro Park

Dear B.H.,
Great idea!

Beware the Banks

Dear Country Yossi,

Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:

‘I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.’ Uh oh.


Childbirth at 65

Dear Country Yossi,

With all the new technology in the field of fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

‘May I see the new baby?’ I asked.

‘Not yet,’ she said. ‘I’ll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.’

Thirty minutes passed, and I asked, ‘May I see the new baby now?’

‘No, not yet,’ she said.

After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, ‘May I see the baby now?’

‘No, not yet,’ replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, ‘Well, when can I see the baby?’

‘When he cries!’ she told me.

‘When he cries?!’ I demanded. ‘Why do I have to wait until he cries?’



Directions for a Democrat

Dear Country Yossi,

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She dropped altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”

She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. However, I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you haven’t been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”

Received via email

Shviggers are Shver

Dear Country Yossi,

You know what the difference is between a shvigger and a buzzard? The buzzard waits until you’re dead before it eats your heart out.

I have mixed emotions about my shvigger - sometimes I hate her like poison, other times I just hate her.

I bought my Shvigger a new chair for her birthday, but my wife won’t let me plug it in!


Dear P.L.,
Now that’s not nice. On second thought, I know your shvigger. And the only thing human about her is her sheitel!

A Bearable Experience

Dear Country Yossi,

Over the summer I got into the habit of walking 4 miles every day down some curving, hilly country roads near my bungalow colony. Everything went well until one fine day, as I was huffing and puffing listening to my favorite Country Yossi songs on my ipod, as I came around a bend in the road, suddenly there it was - a big, black bear on the road about 100 feet in front of me. Unsure of what to do, I began to panic! Should I run? Should I stand still? Should I scream? Should I keep quiet? Just then your song “Sholom Ber” came on. I took that as a sign from Hashem that the bear wanted peace and would not harm me. I smiled and had just begun to relax when the bear started lumbering towards me. I figured I knew what Sholom Ber meant but I wasn’t sure the bear knew! I resumed panicking! Just then a car drove by. I waved him down, pointed to the bear, jumped in next to him and locked the door. As we sped by the bear I turned to thank the driver and realized it was my husband… Moishe Shmeel!

As we continued on to Wal-Mart I told him he was my hero… Big Bad Moish!

I sure got a lot of mileage out of your CD!

Zlateh in Monticello

Dear Zlateh,
Sholom Bear?! Give me a break!

An Observation from the Brisker Rov, zt”l

Dear Country Yossi,

We have quoted before insightful observations from Rav Yitzchak Zev-Velvel Soloveitchik (1886-1959), who was known as the Brisker Rov.

After the war, the Rov lived in Yerushalayim. These were times of great turmoil in Eretz Yisroel and there were those who believed that the way to change was through civil disobedience.

One day there was a great protest in Yerushalayim. As the police entered the fray, the demonstrators, who for the most part were from those groups who did not recognize the legitimacy of the Zionist government, began to engage the police. They started shouting and wrestling with the officers. They then began to shout at the police, “Nazis, murderers…”
The Brisker Rov - who never participated in these protests - once said about himself and his family, “My father (Rav Chaim Soloveitchik) was able, by looking at a situation, to see 60 years into the future. I can no longer do that. However, I am still better than most, for most people cannot see what is in front of their faces. I at least can see and understand what is in front of my face!”

When the protestors were returning from their demonstration, they passed by the Brisker Rov. They were looking at him with feelings of satisfaction that they had stood up to the Zionist occupying forces.

The Rov looked at them and then organized his own type of demonstration. In his clear, calm and always-controlled voice he said accusingly: “Zionists, Tziyonim!”

To the people involved in the protests that was an affront which was the worst of the worst. It is comparable to calling former President Bush a democrat or calling a reform rabbi a member of the Taliban!

The demonstrators looked up at the Rov for an explanation. They were surprised by what he said next.

“If we were still in Europe and the government made decrees against us, you would never consider staging a public protest. And if you did, you would be scared for your lives and you would never taunt the police verbally and certainly never physically. However, here in Eretz Yisroel, with regard to the Zionists, who you claim are also akin to murderers and usurpers, you have no qualms about engaging them in verbal and physical warfare. Why is that? Why are you no longer scared?

I will tell you why. It is because specifically you, who refer to yourselves as the Guardians of the City, in truth recognize that the people you are fighting are really your brothers and your sisters and as such you feel confident and comfortable that no harm will befall you.

So in essence, it is you who recognize that these people are Jewish and have legitimacy. By fighting with them the way you do, you recognize and grant legitimacy to their regime more than anyone else. Therefore you are Zionists; you are Tziyonim!”

The Brisker Rov was a very smart man. He also believed greatly in the sanctity of Shabbos. However, he never davened Kabbolas Shabbos in the middle of the street and he never threw a diaper at any Jewish person.

He never screamed ‘Shabbos, Shabbos!’ and he never called anyone a Nazi. He was not a Zionist by any definition of the word. However, he was a “mentch” by every definition of the word.

Boro Park

Quote of the Year

Dear Country Yossi,

“On a more serious front, I sincerely hope that when the president goes in for his annual check-up, the doctors at Bethesda will do a brain scan. Surely something must be terribly wrong with a man who seems to be far more concerned with a Jew building a house in Israel than with Muslims building a nuclear bomb in Iran.”

Columnist Burt Prelutsky

Dear Columnist,
I had a brain scan recently, and b’H they found nothing.

A Quirky Cork

Dear Country Yossi,

A family friend joined us for a recent holiday meal. Aware of our good taste for wine, he brought some of his own to share with us. The apparently dry cork stopper did not make it out and broke half-way, leaving the other half inside the bottle. In an attempt to remove it, our guest used his teeth to grab what little was left of the cork’s stump, but managed to bite it off before removing it. To which my observing husband remarked; “Your bite must be stronger than the bark.”

Edith S.

Dear Edith,
Not bad.

Lessons for Life

Dear Country Yossi,

Here’s a very profound quote that I thought you’d appreciate.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


Dear Y.H.,
Love it! Thank you for sharing that with us.

Avodah Zora Alive and Well

Dear Country Yossi,

This letter is addressing the populace at large (at least those who understand Frumglish):

Don’t fool yourselves into thinking that idol worship was practiced only in bygone days. It’s merely the format which has changed. The modern avodah zoros are: SYSTEMS.

Financial Systems

Political Systems

Educational Systems

These over-glorified institutions have been responsible for no end of hardships as individuals fell through their cracks. But worst of all, and that which this letter addresses, is the worship of physicians and pharmaceuticals, a.k.a. Docs & Drugs.

For several decades, I’ve been the fallout of a personal healthcare holocaust. I’ve been treated to skepticism, brutality, condescension, flippancy, and even non-constructive, pitying glances by those zombies who call themselves doctors and practitioners. Indeed, anyone who delves into the mountainous testimonials and books related to this topic will realize that the most unconscionable system of all is Western medicine which purports to use Maimonides as its role model, but which in actuality is based on profiteering and suppression of truth.

Furthermore, my frustration and angst have been compounded by stubborn family members and acquaintances who refuse to acknowledge that their “hallowed heroes” are anything but infallible. It’s as if people “must” retain idols to worship, or else their emotional foundations crumble.

And that’s why, long ago, Jane Doe dug in her heels when I conveyed to her that her daughter’s hearing impairment may be related to autism, because she manifested behavior similar to that of a well-known autistic as a child. Instead, she chose to carry on with visits to her daughter’s uninformed therapist, never bothering to investigate further afield. She opted for the comfort of denial, sanctioned by conventional ignorance.

And that’s why an acquaintance of mine responded irrationally when I told her that her headaches, extreme insomnia, and red eyes may be exacerbated by her strong fluorescent lighting (with old-fashioned ballasts), which, by the way, she uses in the daytime as well.

Instead, she insisted that her symptoms are exclusively related to her particular medical condition, as told to her by her doctor. Speak of leading a stubborn horse to the water, she refused to contemplate experimenting with milder table lamps in the corners of the room for a mere two weeks! Nor did it make a dent when I cited the moshol about chazeirim who don’t realize the stench they’re living in, and that it sometimes takes a change of environment for the truth to dawn. (Speaking of which, it may also interest that an author once speculated that the periodic windstorms in the Middle East may be a factor which increases arabs’ agitation, since the positive ions associated with sharavs alter serotonin, etc.)
These examples merely brush the surface of what could fill volumes. Rav Dessler zt’l knew that “modern” medicine is primitive as compared to that which will exist during Moshiach’s times, which (I surmise) may be based on quantum physics, stem cells, and/or other high tech.

And that’s why I could care less if the Town Hall Mongers fight it out with the National Healthcare Mongers. In my opinion they’re all Monger-els! I have a sweet friend, a tzadeket, who has been suffering yesurei muvet for years, ever since a satanic doctor butchered her in surgery; and now she’s suffering even more due to yet another bungler produced by the SYSTEM, after his attempt to reverse the botch-job of that previous butcher. If anyone deserves non-phony medicine, it’s that angel.

So… out with the Monger-els! Make way, instead, for a future reality of rachamim, wherein even the Rambam and Klausenberger Rebbe would kvell!

Received via email

List of Simcha Clothing Gemachs

    1.    Mrs. Berkowitz - Women and girl gowns 718-854-2066
    2.    Mrs. Kanarek - Women and girls gowns 718-338-1096
           Tuesday evenings only, no private appointments
    3.    New Boro Park Girls Gown Gemach
           Sizes 2 to 18. No appointment necessary
           Sunday 1:30 to 3:30pm, Tuesday 6 to 7:30pm
           Up to $50 to borrow, call: 718-438-6284
    4.    Gemach Zichron Moshe - 718-522-6097 (Williamsburg)
           Preteen and women’s dresses, gowns for little children
    5.    Simchas Chinka Gown Gemach - for appointment 718-377-3875
           Mother and sister of the bride, preteen to adult
    6.    Bridal Smile Gemach - 718-854-3862
           Gowns and eveningwear for mothers and sisters of the kallah
           Sun-Thurs 10am to 3pm; 1804 Avenue J, Brooklyn
    7.    Gemach Zichron Raizy - 718-972-6153
           For sisters and nieces of the kallah, sizes 2 to 18 (Zoe gowns)
    8.    Ten Simcha - 718-363-2997 (Crown Heights)
           For mother, sisters and sisters-in-law of the kallah
    9.    Girls Simcha Dress Gemach - 718-253-5372 or 917-922-7898
           Black and navy children’s better Shabbos dresses and gowns for simchas
           Sizes 2-14. All gowns $18-$50
           Wednesday evenings 8:30 to 9:30pm, Sunday 7 to 8:00pm
  10.   Gemach Malbushei Yisroel
          Bekishes and Chassidishe suits and coats for boys and men in brand-new condition, call: 718-435-3822
  11.   Englewood Simcha Gown Gemach - Proceeds to Tzedakah
          Mother and daughter gowns $75 to $100
          Sunday 10 to 12:30; Tuesday evening 7:30 to 9:00pm
          Other hours by appointment 201-567-0134/201-503-9812
  12.   Staten Island Simcha Gemach 718-494-1905
          For mothers and sisters of kallahs
          Donation to Bikur Cholim
  13.   A C.H.A.I.N. 201-837-2058 (Teaneck) jrfleisher@gmail.com
          FREE loan of gowns for mothers and sisters of kallahs
          Donations of gowns and coat racks requested
          Offers resources and checklists for brides and referrals to kallah teachers on cheapest places to get wedding items. Available to help with resumes for a very minimal fee. (In memory of Mrs. Ruthie Stefansky, ob’m)
  14.    Fair Lawn Gemach (201) 794-7094 gowns
  15.    Petticoat Gemach - Batya Blumenkrantz 718-435-8171
           Women and girls sizes
           Call for appt. bet. 9:30 and 10:30am
  16.    Flatbush Girls Petticoat Gemach
           Size 2 to 18. (718) 252-9884
  17.    Petticoat Gemach $20 deposit
           Call Neiman: 718-252-2157, 6-8pm
  18.    Special Occasion Hats Gemach
           718-338-9682 or 718-787-0666
           Dressy, stylish hats for women wearing hats without sheitels

Dear Readers,
Wishing you only simchas!

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