An Israeli and an Arab were walking down the street. The Arab boasted "Ancient cables were recently uncovered in Egypt which proves our ancestors had telephone service before anyone else!"

The Israeli thought for a moment, then said, "No cables were discovered in Israel, which goes to prove that we had wireless!!"

C.T. - Flatbush

When I was a newlywed, my first position was as a Rabbi in a small synagogue in South Bend, Indiana. One Shabbos, a new face sauntered into morning services. I quickly approached him, gave him a warm Shalom Aleichem and intended to give him an aliya. I asked him his Hebrew name. A perplexed look crossed his face as his forehead wrinkled in deep thought. After a few minutes of embarrassing silence, he suddenly broke into a huge grin and said, "Igot it! My zaidy used to call me `Vay Zusu'!"

M.T. - Flatbush

Looking for some cleaning help for my elderly mother, I took out an ad in a local weekly newspaper for someone to help with light housekeeping. No sooner had the paper come out when we started getting calls from sailors and seamen looking for work. Perplexed, we checked the ad and were stunned to see the following headline: Help Wanted: Lighthouse keeper.

R.D. - B.P.

On the way up to the country, I stopped at a gas station to use the facilities. My 5-year-old son offered to stay in the car. When I returned I saw the car was empty! Remembering how we often played a game where he would fold down the back seat and crawl into the trunk and I would pretend to look for him, I got behind the wheel and drove off as I said rather loudly, "Hmmm...I wonder where Yitzy is hiding? Let's see. He's not under my seat...I wonder where he is? Hey, Yitzy! Are you in the trunk?"

No response.

Now, I started to worry. "Yitzy! Come out here right now or you'll get such a potch you'll see your Bubba Soorah!"

Still, no response.

I slammed on the brakes and popped open the trunk. Empty!!

Panic stricken, I made the first U-turn back to the gas station where I saw Yitzy talking to a state trooper.

Relieved, but embarrassed, I hugged my Yitz and then immediately almost got myself arrested by telling the cop, "I thought he was in the trunk!"

Y.T. - Flatbush

One Shabbos afternoon, my nephew was about to eat some pistachio nuts. Being an innocent 5-year-old boy, he asked his father what brocha to make. His father replied, "All nuts are Borei Pri Ha'eitz except for peanuts."Giving it a moment's thought, he asked his father, "What about astro-nuts?"

N.K. - Lakewood

My second grade daughter very badly wanted to be a teacher - but only in pre-school or first and second grade. When asked why, she explained that she doesn't know the material for the higher grades.

A.R. - Boro Park

While training my two-year-old toddler, I sat on a stool and watched her progress. One day, my child announces innocently, "Mommy, let's change places today. I'll sit on the stool, and you'll sit on the potty."

G.G. - B.P.

Early one morning, at 2:00 a.m., we heard loud banging on our bedroom door. Alarmed, we rushed out to find a sign nailed to our door. We asked our kindergarten age daughter for an explanation. She innocently replied that her teacher told her to put it on the door only when her parents were asleep. "Don't Wake Daddy and Mommy" read the sign!

G.G. - B.P.

One evening when my parents were out, my 12-year-old brother went out to buy a paper. Soon afterwards, he was banging frantically at the back door,shouting, "Help! Open up!" I quickly let him in and raced in, crying, "Goyim are chasing me!" As I locked the door, we heard the front doorbell ring. My brother, sister and I stared at each other in fright, not knowing what to do. We then called my next door neighbor to go outside and see who was ringing, and he soon came to our back door. We opened up and he called my brother out. "Come see who is chasing you," he said, smiling. Somewhat fearfully, he followed - and came back feeling rather sheepish after two men handed him some money, saying, "Here is the $9 change from your $10 bill."